Below Dicks — Brüs’d Egos and Polite Misogyny on the High Seas
I am a big fan of “Below Deck”. The original, that is. To me, it’s the crown jewel of Bravo TV. Fans have adored Kate Chastain since her debut in season two and the Stud of the Sea from the start. The connection Kate and Captain Lee created after the “rocket ship” incident carried over to their off-camera lives, adding a level of authenticity that’s lacking in so many other Bravo shows (I’m talking to you, Housewives). It’s the most real of Bravo’s “reality” line-up, and it got really real last season when deckhand Ashton Pienaar was pulled off the boat by his ankle, caught in a towline, mere seconds away from severing his leg and bleeding to death as cameras rolled (save the one put down by hero cameraman, Brent Freeberg, to give slack to the line and Ashton the chance to free himself).
This season, the series’ seventh, fans were glad to see Ashton return with a promotion to bosun. I was looking forward to seeing Captain Lee have a bond with the person in that position, something we haven’t seen since Eddie Lucas’ departure. But the Ashton we rooted for, the one we thought would be a solid leader, quickly let us down. His shift in behavior had little to do with job stress, or whatever Thailand puts in its booze; it came right on the heels of female rejection.
Kate nailed it in the first episode when she described the cast as so good-looking, Ashton was the least hot. Ashton actually had some stiff competition when it came to the ladies’ attention — Brian with a better body, Tanner with a “perfectly symmetrical face” (per Simone), and Kevin with a likeness to Tom Cruise (really, Kate?) — and maybe it was the pretty boys that threw him off his game. Ashton failed at nailing Abbi, his third deckhand, despite sleeping together on the bunny pad after the first charter (she eventually left, after getting engaged, something that Ashton didn’t react particularly well to). He fumbled trying to score any affection from Courtney (slurring is never sexy, dude), who already made a connection with Brian. Finally, he turned on poor Kate with not one but two mouth assaults (we can’t really call those kisses). The only woman on board who went unattended (or attacked) by Ashton was Simone, who is beautiful and smart (but probably should have YouTube’d how to open a wine bottle while teaching herself Portuguese). This struck me as particularly odd. I figured that once Simone let it be known that she was attracted to Tanner, Ashton would have struck. As we witnessed last season, any time a woman showed another man interest, Ashton went into action. Chef Adrian didn’t dub him “Octosnake” for nothing. Even his buddy Brian said Ashton wasn’t so much a wingman as he was a cockblock.
(For those keeping score at home: Yes, you are correct that he didn’t try it on with Rhylee when she arrived after Abbi’s departure, but he did get with her last season, so I’m counting that.)
Realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere with any of the female crew, Ashton grumbled the regretful (if not Freudian-ly honest) line to bunkmate Kevin: “I’m tired of working so hard to get my dick sucked.” That’s when it all started going down a misogynistic, and sometimes violent, hill.
The Brü Crew, consisting of the male deckhands and the guy in the galley, seemed to share Ashton’s belief that women exist solely for their needs. Brian’s seemingly innocent requests for Courtney to “smile” or “laugh more” are really degrading. No matter how gentle it’s delivered, that’s a command. The innate response all women have (yet suppress with superhuman grit) is to scream FUCK YOU in the face of the annoying male demanding that we alter ourselves for their ego. (It’s also a way of saying, “Please be easier, because I’m not up for any challenge, like a woman with good sense and standards.”)
Tanner appears to think getting laid is no different from ordering PostMates: just say what you want and expect it to be brought to your door. Kevin, who we gleaned was a shitty guy from episode one (and not just because if his traveler’s tummy) didn’t think any of the ladies were good-looking enough for him, which showed his personal depth was puddle. These four guys bonded together quickly and devolved just as fast.
But something I found interesting about the lesser three Brüs — Brian, Kevin and Tanner — is that they each have a strong bond with at least one female in their lives. Brian and Kevin each have young daughters. Tanner is a total mama’s boy. Those men (and I’m using that term loosely) each stated the importance those women held in their lives, yet they don’t see that by their Brü-ish behavior how little respect they’re showing them. Does it not occur to them that their mothers, sisters and daughters all have had (or will have) to deal with men like them/treatment like that?
Sadly, these Brüs don’t seem to understand what misogyny actually is. What it looks like, sounds like, and feels like. It’s not simply a term used to put men in their place, as Ashton seems to think. On last week’s “Below Deck After Show”, he put forth an absolutely cringeworthy display trying to defend himself from the label, claiming to be tired of that word following him around. As he attempted to explain himself, he exposed his latent sexism and racism. He believes he can’t be a misogynist because he was raised with, of all things, manners. He actually opens doors for women, y’all! [Side note to Ashton: Even Ed Kemper had manners, pal.] What he couldn’t glean at the time is that his explanation would follow the episode where he asked Kevin, “Did you slap her with your dick?” in response to the chef’s less-than-pleasant exchange with Rhylee at the Thai market. (Seriously, Kevin, you couldn’t have left her one scorpion to nosh?) That’s how deep Ashton’s sexism flows: it’s the dick that’s supposed to be in charge.
https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/ashton-pienaar-reacts-misogynist-accusations-below-deck-recap
After watching Bravo reality for as long as we have, we’ve seen the pattern emerge: Season one is best behavior; season two, the true character is revealed. It’s not too surprising; they quickly become Bravolebrities after the season airs. Egos inflate and some become insufferable. There are exceptions to this rule, and two are Kate and Captain Lee who remain consistently themselves. New crew likely views previous seasons once hired, if they weren’t already fans. They know there’s going to be money, a modicum of fame, the possibility of paid appearances or posts, attention from fans, and, if they are lucky, a second season.
Rhylee Gerber also made a return from Season 6, replacing Abbi as the third deckhand, the position she held before. An Alaskan fishing boat captain by trade, Rhylee has yet to learn how to be in third place. Her explosive temper and lack of humility cause friction with her crew members, both this season and last. One would think that Ashton, having worked with her before, would be able to find a way to play to Rhylee’s strengths and work with her weaknesses, as a manager should. Instead, Ashton immediately turns the guys against her. Granted, she lived up to her reputation as difficult their first night out, but it was fascinating to see how little it took for the guys to gang up on her, and how much they enjoyed that. Soon after, the guys also turned on Kate, another powerful woman who speaks her mind but also has a rank. It was almost a form of wilding. Or just a sick sport.
For the first time, we see Kate really lose it this season. There’s the pants-on-the-floor scene, her quitting and leaving the boat for a few hours (long enough for a good sleep and a blow-dry), and last week’s episode had her slamming doors and holding her ground — which happens to be the interior. (Go around, Kevin!) Each of those outbursts occurred after the guys — all the guys — were shitfaced and shit-talking her. We could call that bullying. Or dog-piling. Either way, it was bullshit that not one of those Brüs had the comportment to reign in that toxic masculinity. Not one, not once. There was no voice of reason among them.
After seeing what has transpired (along with the rest of us when the show airs), Captain Lee couldn’t understand why Kate didn’t come to him when all of this was going down. As most of us ladies know, running to “tattle” doesn’t help the situation. It might quiet it, but it doesn’t make it go away. It can, in fact, make it worse. So, if you can see the end in sight (like a six-week season), you suck it up and deal with it the best way you know how. Maybe that’s throwing pants on the floor or slamming doors, or crying.
What this season of “Below Deck” accidentally showed is what it’s like to be a woman in the workforce, and how little it takes to be ganged up on by the guys. How relentless that can be, and how innocent the guys perpetrating the abuse thinks it is. What it also showed are the pathetic causes of that abuse: bruised ego, rejection, insecurity, immaturity. It takes just that, and a few guys in the same boat, to ruin a woman’s day, her reputation and possibly her career.
Tonight, we get to watch the season finale [um, I’ve been corrected; the finale is next week], and will hold our breath for the reunion. It’s doubtful we’ll see Ashton after that. Captain Lee has said he won’t work with him again, but there are now two other franchises that might. I hope there’s at least one more season with Kate and Captain Lee together. Perhaps they can bring back Eddie as bosun, maybe hire some deckhands who aren’t dickheads and give Kate some stews with experience (I vote for Josiah and Courtney). It would be nice to give “Below Deck” a redemption season after this (we can start a campaign to ‘Make 8 Great!’). Season 7 was hard to watch. But it was important not to look away.
